Married To India (compiled from the net)

Picture: still from the Bollywood movie Marigold, based on the Indian romance of an American girl

INTERCULTURAL MARRIAGES: Assumptions... My Way—The Right Way?

Just something interesting I read:

1 - Problems and conflicts often involve assumptions and expectations that are so much a part of the fabric of your background and identity that you aren't even consciously aware of them. Partners must explore their core beliefs and first feel clear about their own identity before deciding how these beliefs will mesh with those of a partner. All couples negotiate differences when marrying. Two individuals from two different families form a new identity and must choose what traditions, habits and beliefs to bring into their marriage. This process is more complex for couples who are from different cultures, races and religions.

2 - Successful intercultural, interracial and interfaith relationships have special challenges, but also special rewards for those who are willing to manage differences in core beliefs not only with their partners, but also with their families, communities and society at large. This doesn't happen automatically. It will take work and sensitivity to self and others.

3 - Whatever decisions and choices you make as a couple about resolving and managing your cultural, religious and racial differences will affect your children. Their reactions to these issues and the reactions of others to them will need your attention throughout their childhood. This is true whether your children look different from one or both of you and other kids they know - or whether the differences are more internal. While our society is becoming increasingly multicultural and mixed, kids are sometimes much more confused and less tolerant of differences than adults are.

Food for thought:

- Do show mutual respect for one another and for one another's cultures. If your differences are creating problems for you, brainstorm together for some solutions.
- Do keep your sense of humor alive.
- Do remain realistic about your differences and about what you have in common.
- Do not ignore your differences thinking that they will just go away. They won't disappear because you don't talk about them.
- Do not defend your parents if they try to interfere in your marriage. Take a stand together and set boundaries.

PS: Thanks, darling, for wearing a Bulgarian football team T-shirt so proudly, and for putting BG stickers on your cars!