THE COMPANY OF WOMEN

I am not going to be discussing Khushwant Singh’s book here, but I can’t think of a better title! Because this is what is happening to me here! From a household dominated by a man and a male housekeeper, I am now in an oestrogen-filled apartment in Sofia – my aunt, her two daughters (pictured here), my grandmother, and the dog – female! Somewhere in between all this – my uncle, always nervously smoking in a corner.
Flashback to an episode of Friends I saw some time ago – the one where Rachel is moving out as Chandler is moving in with Monica. The two of them are remembering the good times and the little signs of attention they used to give to each other, and the small ways in which they took care of each other. It all ends with Monica letting out a teary wail: ‘You are moving out! And now I have to live with a booooooyyyyy!’
Yep… living with other women has its advantages. You can borrow anything – from cellulite gel to tweezers. If you say you need hair volumiser they actually know what you are talking about. They empathise when you say you did not sleep the whole night as this new slimming product makes you pee every 15 minutes, and they notice the impeccable stitching and finish of your new dress. They can tell that 3 months ago you had blond highlights which still look not that bad, and they can tell you whether your khaki or green shoes go better with your trousers – to a man, both would look exactly the same! They know the difference between normal sugar, brown sugar, raw sugar and sweetener. And the difference between slow carbs, fast carbs and fibre. They know the latest celebrity gossip and don’t mind discussing it with you as if their lives depended on it. They don’t think you are nuts if you cry watching the latest Brazilian TV series. And yes, they understand why, when you see a pile of dirty clothes on the floor or a stain on the tablecloth, you feel like someone is wrenching your guts!
In this house, we can walk around half naked without a worry in this world, pointing out each other’s flaws without taking it personally and feeling like s…t for days. We can take cleaning and storage tips from each other. We can bitch about men and feel human. We can discuss what the gyanec said last time we went for a checkup, without fear that someone will get turned off.I LOVE this time spend with them… Until the day I have to take the plane to Bombay and go back to ‘living with a booooooyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!'

NOSTALGIA

I have been in Sofia for almost five days now. I am mostly home looking after my grandmother. So every time I step out for a breather, it is like a brainwave of nostalgia. It is funny how the people we have been slowly vanish into some secret compartment of our brains, which gets unlocked by the strangest of things. In my case, songs I hear on the radio while in a cab, names and faces in newspapers (now mostly gone white and wrinkled), ad jingles, old book covers, old jokes… And suddenly I am 15 again, carelessly walking the streets of ‘this town where I was born’ (another old song I heard in a cab today). I am my old lanky and carefree self. Memories flow in and I almost have the feeling I am peeking into someone else’s life. I look at the people around me, and I can see how their dreams, lives have changed since I have been away. And I realise how far removed from all this I have become. And honestly, I can’t decide if this is wrong or right… I feel home, and yet I feel completely lost. I realise that my brain takes more time to process information delivered in Bulgarian. I ask people to repeat things and explain again. They must be thinking I am retarded or something! When Gurtaj calls me on the phone, I suddenly get an Eastern European accent I have never had before, and I feel I speak English with a Bulgarian sing song in it.

THE WORLD FROM THE AIR

I am on a flight from Bombay to London (final destination – Sofia) and I am flying over the most amazing landscape of arid mountains, gorges and plateaus. As far as the eye can see, all there is, is brown land, at places creased and wrinkled like old cardboard. No water. A lonely little town is in the distance, and I can see a long, straight road cutting through, going into the unknown. Ashkhabad and Mashhad. This is all the tangible information I can get from the map provided on my screen. Never very good at geography, I am clueless as per what country I am flying over. I will definitely have to look it over as soon as I get an Internet connection. My heart swells as I look down at this land so far removed from my reality, and from the reality of most passengers on this airplane. I am trying to imagine the lives of those living underneath, how they cope with this unforgiving landscape. I wonder what animals live down below… Will I ever visit this place in my lifetime? We are soon going to fly over Baku, Yerevan (and several other ex-Soviet strongholds with exotic names) and Kiev… Then on to Vienna, etc. etc. The world is so incredibly big! So much to see! So many stories and different lifestyles, most of them never to be known to me! It is amazing and sad at the same time. A strange feeling of insignificance and loneliness also creeps in. I feel a particle of something far beyond full understanding.

A FEW DAYS LATER: And here is some information on Ashkhabad:

It is the capital and largest city of Turkmenistan, a country in Central Asia. It has a population of 695,300 and is situated between the Kara Kum desert (which I must have seen from the plane) and the Kopet Dag mountain range. Ashgabat has a primarily Turkmen population, with minorities of ethnic Russians, Armenians and Azeris. It is 250 km from the second largest city in Iran, Mashhad (another name I saw on the electronic route map). The name is believed to derive from the Persian Ashk-ābād meaning "the City of Arsaces." Another explanation is that the name is a dialect version of the Persian عشق (eshq meaning "love") and آباد (ābād meaning "cultivated place" or "city", etymologically "abode"), and hence loosely translates as "the city of love."Ashgabat is a relatively young city, growing out of a village of the same name established in 1818. It is not far from the site of Nisa, ancient capital of the Parthians and the ruins of the Silk Road city of Konjikala, which had been destroyed either by an earthquake in the first decade BC, or by the Mongols in the 13th century. It remained a part of Persia until 1884. In 1869, Russian soldiers built a fortress on a hill near the village, and this added security soon attracted merchants and craftsmen to the area. Tsarist Russia annexed the region in 1884 from Persia under he terms of Akhal Treaty, and chose to develop the town as a regional center due to its proximity to the border of British-influenced Persia. It was regarded as a pleasant town with European style buildings, shops and hotels. It was re-named Poltoratsk under Soviet rule. A merciless earthquake in 1948 killed 2\3rd of its population... Pictures on the Internet show a beautiful city with gold cupolas and impressive buildings, nothing to do with the arid landscape I saw...

Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans

I love this quote (which today I found out is from a John Lennon song) and I find it is so true! You just have to look at all the disasters happening around in the world and realise how fickle any sort of major life plan is, even if it is for a short period of time.
I am talking about another sort of disaster here. While I was busy planning a blissful first month in our new home, in complete privacy (with the cook, driver and maid on leave!), my grandma in Bulgaria fell (after a very strong dizzy spell which caused disorientation – yet not diagnosed why) and injured her back. She is bed-ridden now and my aunt has been looking after her. My mum, just a few months before retiring from the Bulgarian embassy in Delhi, has been grounded by me – I have put my foot down that she can’t travel now. So to make her feel less guilty, I am heading to Sofia to spend time with my granny. Life happened, with all my other plans going into flames.
I have been strangely stressed about leaving, almost feeling like I will be traveling ‘abroad’ and thus uprooting myself from my Bombay life. And of course, having to face some harsh realities:
- my family getting older and frailer
- rubbing in the distance factor
- domestic issues that are so well taken care of here, which drive my family and friends in Bulgaria insane
- complete lack of control and comfort in the country that used to be my own
- my mother being in the same position one day and me being the only child
Weird realizations…

The good thing is that the control freak in me is finally starting to lay lower, understanding that the more I want to control something, the more life is amused to throw a wrench in the wheel of my just about steady bicycle wheel. So all of you control freaks out there, remember: hope for the best but be ready for the worst; if you have the chance to finish off something, do it NOW; if you want to do something positive for yourself or others, just jump at the deep end, don’t start with endless excel sheets and daydreaming – just do it if you have the time.
Another positive thought: the definition of ‘luxury’ for me today is the fact that I can just get up and go because I have to and because I want to. I can lean back on an incredibly supportive husband and a really cool boss, and I don’t need to worry financially. I am so grateful for that!

So now my plans are to spend quality time with granny and finally get around to doing that book on childhood recipes that make me feel home; catching up on reading and on the latest gossip in my cousin’s lives; going on a diet while I am there (!!!) and of course loading up on my favourite Bulgarian designers whenever I get the time to go shopping!

And by the way, here’s John Lennon’s song with the above quote:

BEAUTIFUL BOY
Close your eyes
Have no fear
The monster's gone
He's on the run and your daddy's here
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Out on the ocean sailing away
I can hardly wait to see you come of age
But I guess we'll both just have to be patient
'Cause it's a long way to go
A hard row to hoe
Yes it's a long way to go
But in the meantime
Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you
While you're busy making other plans

DAY DREAMING

At office... My soul feels like a trapped bird. Today I want to...
- feel winter air in my lungs
- look at fresh blossoms
- plant basil on my kitchen window sill
- browse a shop for vintage clothes
- sit in the Tuilerries garden and sip on a Perimenthe
- hug a dog
- walk and feel the fresh spring air in my face
- explore a city with a camera in hand
- see something excruciatingly beautiful and feel my heart swell
- take black and white photos of Gurtaj
- have coffee with my mother
- arrange flowers
- learn to mambo
- eat strawberry sorbet at Ile Saint Louis
- visit my grandmother and talk about the old times
- run my fingers through her white curly hair
- create a beautiful living room
- rinse my hair with diluted apple vinegar for extra shine
- look at a clear blue sky and feel like crying with joy
- take a bus and miss my stop, just because I felt like
- I want to be greeted with a smile and smell of cinnamon at the neighbourhood baker
- sit on a wooden planks floor and listen to jazz while leafing through magazines